Do you remember?

So this is probably the last blog I'm ganna post up. Probably. If things don't get better. It's just funny how everything revolves around you all the time. Like all my blogs are about you. Funny don't you think? Well, I'm in tears I can't stop. It's just weird to me how things change so quick. I know it's not me. But surprisingly it's you. Like wow babe. I didn't know you would be like this honestly. I knew somethings were ganna be bad but I didn't know it was ganna be this bad. Like, remember all those times back then? It wasn't even that long ago. Just thinking about it puts this smile on my face. Memories. I love them. Especially if their with you. I'm so emotional lately. My hearts fucking up. Problems and drama come up. Things aren't just the same. Like it's stupid in a way you know? Like why? Love is love. It's greater than the distance. Love overcomes doesn't it? But if we don't get through this then I'll know for sure that this isn't what it seems. Even just thinking about it hurts my heart. It's literally driving me crazy. Not even your voice could make me forget. I don't want you to be like other girls you know? I want you to know that you have something good to hold on too. I don't want other guys treating you the way I treat you. Cause I can do it better than the rest. I just want you to realize that. You told me you "open your eyes and it's time to realize" right? Something like that? Did you open your eyes baby? Or do you want to take advantage of my love? Or are you just confused. Your not even like yourself anymore. It's weird and it hurts cause I can't even make you smile like I used to. I feel so worthless now. Like I shouldn't even belong here or something. I told you without you I'd be nothing. I meant it. I told you your my life and I would die. I meant that too. Everything that I said. I meant it. From my heart. It just hurts to know things are starting to fall piece by piece. But I'm always trying to be the hero and save it all. Catching every piece that breaks right? I always lose though. I'm not trying to let this one slip though. Not this one. Not you. Your something different. And I want that. Your something that I just gatta have or I'm not ganna be myself. You were there for me since the beginning. Right from the start. It was always you. "Booboobear" "Butterbisquit" remember? Webcamming when you had the time. Late night phone calls and laughs. Smiles that would still be on your face the next morning. Making everything better. Just waiting to see each other. And when it does. Love was 10x stronger than before. I'm I right? Don't even say "I don't know" cause I know you do. Sorry. Just remember all those memories. And just know they can all happen again. Lancaster.....you got some shit on me. I can't wait to be up there and make everything better for the both of us. Mostly for you. Keeping you happy is still my number one priority. I just want you to be happy with me. And no one else. I'm greedy for you love. What else can I say? Almost 6 months. I hope we can still talk about how excited we are about it like we use to. Half a year of your loving baby. Half a year with you in my life. Why stop now? It's meant to be. I hope you see that. I love you. Keep my heart close. Cause I'm still holding on yours. Even with all these tears down my face. I'm still holding on. Cause I know. In the end. This is all ganna pay off. And before you know it. I'm ganna ask you to marry me. I hope you say yes when I do. Regardless. I am. Pinky Promise with a Thumb Kiss. I hope you read this and see how I feel. Cause I think you don't fully understand me yet. I know I'm complicated at times. I'm trying to make it easier. That's why I spill my heart out to you. Plus I love you, trust you, need you, always. My angel who saved me from everything. My love for the rest of my life. I hope you realize and wake up. This isn't over. It's just another bump for us to pass over. Hand in hand. In each others heart. For the rest of our lives. Your everything to me. Your my world. I love you. <3 9.24.09