You don't know how bad I need you.

I want to tell you everything that's on my mind. But I can never find the right words or the right time. Like it's pathetic of me that I can't even explain to you all my feeling, thoughts and emotions. But I'm holding myself back from doing so. Cause I'm scared. What if it's too much? What if it doesn't have meaning? What if. I'm scared. It's the biggest fear I have. And the fear is losing you. I don't want our love to fade away, I don't want our happiness turn into memories, or even our memories into nothing. Like it's fucking killing me just even thinking about it. Like why the fuck do I even think so much? Is something wrong with me right now? Holy shit........this pain is so undescribable like it gets into my heart every now and then. Julissa. Baby. I'm sorry for this pain that I'm putting you through just for me. Just for us. I'm sorry. Like it hurts so bad but deep in my heart I know for a fact that it's worth it. Every single thing that I own I would give it all away just for her. I'm just sorry. That I can't be there right now. I mean Valentine's Day, your 16th birthday, or even the little things like going to Rik's Place, or spending a night with you at your grandma's house. I'm so sorry right now. I swear on my life I'll make every single day up to you. When I get out of high school I swear I'm going to see you everyday I can. I promise. No more heartaches. No more tears. No more distance in between us. I swear I'll walk every step of your life with you. And you'll do the same for me right baby? I'm not giving up. I'm willing to give up anything. I know how bad it hurts, forgive me please. I'm just so scared.....its not even me to be like this...this love, our love baby its just driving me crazy. Like fuck.....I would go crazy if I could right now. I'm only truely happy when I'm with you, with you by my side. I can only smile and laugh only when I'm talking to you. No one else. No one else is like you and no one can ever compare to you or what you have baby. Like omgggggggggggggggggggg shitfuck ;[ I can't even think right now. Not even in school, not even when I'm eating or doing whatever. I only see and think about you. Like I'm I obsessed? LMFAO Holyyy shit. No I'm not that's just weird and it'll probably creep you out LOL you'll probably stop and txt me if you ever read that. It's just that I'm infatuated by you. Every single detail about you. It's crazy. I can't sleep until I'm by your side.