Just Believe and You Can Be a Superstar....

And that's what I'm aiming for basically. Like what it's a Saturday night and I don't wanna do anything at all. I just wanna chill you know? Like how it was back in those summer days. Chill and listen to everything around you, and just think. Past. Present. Future. Or have them deep talks with some friends. I don't think I wanna go out for awhile. I haven't been feelin' like myself ever since like.....last week? I don't I guess I'm just down cause I'm missing my baby so much. But ehhhh it's straight haha same ole same ole. But yeah 4 month anniversay in just 4 more hours haha. <3 I really can't believe we made it this far honestly. We're ganna have way more to come :]....I think I said that in my other blog? LOL oh well no one reads these anyways lmao. But yeah. Say Ahhhhhh LOL idk but yeah. I'll talk about me and my babygirl in some other post. I talk about her way to much lmao. But on to what I really wanted to write about. Reaching for my dreams. Remember how I said I wanted to do something with music? I really wanna reach for this shit. I mean I love writing to instrumentals that just catch my attention you know? Writing for hours or minutes, thinking of lines, freestyling, or whatever I just love doing it. To any type of beat. Rock, Hip-Hop, RnB, Techo freaking Daft-Punk anything haha. I just love the feeling of it and expressing whatever I gatta say on a beat you know? On a scale of 1-10. I give myself a 7 LOL not to be cocky or anything. I just like my shit feel me? But I hate my voice and how it sounds LMFAO like when I say it out loud to myself it sounds fucking perfect, but as soon as I spit it on the mic I sound monotone and dead LOL I think it's just the mic, but I'm not sure. I might really sound like that LMFAO. -___- geeehhyyyyy LOL. But it's just for fun and to paint my thoughts out. I ain't planning to go famous with it haha. Hm dam but being a DJ and playing non-stop music for clubs, hyping people up to dance, just being paid to party sounds like the life. That is my dream job and I wanna pursue it. Real shit. As for my friend Trevor he wants to do the same. Even though we have differences in style and music. But I think it'll turn out to be a beautiful friendship haha. But really I just wanna mix songs, scratch, just hype up the crowd. Like I'm thinking about it right now and its like I can just reach it, its right there to me. But then I'm kinda sketchy about it as my other shit haha. Photography will deff be happening. I love pictures and how things turn out the way they look you know? I just need a camera LMFAO. Shit I need a lot of stuff. But I'ma be something. I'm ganna be someone. I'ma make it. Haha. But shit I need like a real job on my mind. Like I'm finna go to Temple as well as half of my friends lmfao. But I might go to CCP for 2 years first? Or I might just go straight to Temple. It'll be the shit though. You know I love Philly ;] haha. But if I go to Temple or don't pursue my dream job. I'll probably go for computer engineering? But I'm still not sure. Like I wanna do something I would enjoy you know? Not sitting in some cubicle for hours, wasting my life in front of my own eyes. I just want enjoy life. To the fullest. With my babygirl of course. ;]. But I wanna get an apartment out there first before I start college you know? And a job -___-. Fuck LOL its ganna be some shit. Haha. But yeah. That's pretty much whats on my mind for tonight. Just patiently waiting.
To see my love.
To see my life in the future.
To pursue my dreams.
Just believe right?
Haha and I know it's a little early but I might not write one tomorrow.
So Happy 4 Month Anniversary Julissa <3 I love you baby ;D
I'll make all those lonely days up. Pinky Promise.

Thoughts from the heart.

So it's been only a week since I did this I guess? Something something like that. But yeah. Lemme spit it to ya. Home doesn't feel like home if my babygirl isn't here waiting for me. It's like my home is by her side, regardless of where we are. I feel at peace when I'm next to her. This shit is so hard though I swear. I would go crazy if I wouldn't get to see you again. Hmmm. Plus things are like changing? Feel me? Like kinda in a weird way though. Not bad not good. Like convos on the phone would be hella boring. Nothing to talk about. No laughs. No nothing. I guess it is in a bad way? But I guess cause it's the fact that we both been so use to having each other by our sides rather than spending hours on the phone. Idk hope it changes though. Soon. Plus I've been having these weird dreams lately. Where I would just see her and people I've never seen before, even people who I haven't seen in awhile. Old and current friends and family. It's weird cause Julissa would always be next to me. But then leave. I get a txt message from her in the dream. And it ends up waking me up cause she actually txts me. Weird. Haha I'm not trying to stress though. I know we can make it. I got faith in this. But anyways ever since I came home things been different. Not only with me and her, but with my fam too. Uhhhhhhhh idk but I'm on the phone with my babbyyy LOL I'll hop on this later. Tomorrow later lmfao.

- So this is the 2nd part. January 12, 2010
Where did I leave off at? Oh yeah things have been different. With fam too. Like my mom is actually trying to uhh how do you say? Try to be a better mom I guess? She's like always talking to me and she like understands what I say. My dad. Same shit. Haha well enough of that. Fuck idk what to write. I've been like hella emotional. I guess cause I been thinking way over my head. It happens plus you know how this gets. Right?
Fuck I don't know what else to write.
I joined the volleyball team again LOLl
I miss my baby hella bad ;[
I'm eating like a motherfucker.
ShitFuck
I'll come back to this again LOL

January 4th 2010

Soo I'm about to leave at like 1. I'm waiting for my baby to call me, well that's what she said. Around lunch time. I kept waking up in the middle of the night cause I keep thinking that I'm by her side. I could swear on my life I can still smell her scent and see her face everywhere I go. Fuck. I already miss you like crazy. It seemed like we've seen each other for years, but really it's only been 3 months going on 4. Huy. I'm going crazy over this girl. Why baby whyyy lol. But lemme get back on track. Today is my last day in Lancaster for break. I missed school though so I'm pretty happy about that haha. But what's funny is that when I get home I feel like it's not ganna be home you know? Like I feel more comfortable at Julissa's house and my cousin's rather than my home in Pittsburgh? I think it's cause I stayed here to long or something? But I know I've gotten use to it. Seeing everyone I could possibly see. Doing everything I could of possibly done here. It's like a 3rd home. Next to Philly of course haha. But summer is coming up. I just can't wait for it honestly. I'm ganna get my license by then hopefully. I'll be whippin' it. Shades on fresh kicks, fresh cut, lookin' all steezy and shit and all you hear is GUCCI GUCCI GUCCI LMFAO!! Dam can't wait. But all I can do for now is dream about it haha. Anyways I had mad fun over this break. I don't know how many times I said it but yeah LOL shit I'm fucking broke as fuck. I have 14 dollars in my wallet and I have to buy food on the train next....FUCK I want a whopper!!!!!!! But anyways fuck this shit for now my fingers hurt LOL I'll....yeah sometime soon haha. I hope everything will be the same. No matter how far I am. No matter how long the wait. I love you with all my heart and soul. Always and forever. See you soon.